Inner Animal

Lately I've been in a rather pensive/reflective mood. I've spent quite a bit of my spare time in the last few days contemplating the meaning of all kinds of things, kind of taking a step back from everything and just observing different aspects of life. One thing I've observed about myself is the tendancy to seem rather like an animal sometimes. Perhaps this is nothing new, and I'm just noticing it more now. I've known for a long time that there is a part of any person, including myself, that hasn't developed much since the age of cave men, when we were little different than animals.

However, these days, most people manage to hide that part of themselves and have moved on to more civilized personalities. It's the little things I've been noticing lately about myself, the little things that point toward an animal within myself. One example is that when I become very hungry, I find myself much more inclined toward anger and mood swings. That anger comes out in unpredictable and unintended ways, flashes of intense impatiance and raising my voice over something completely unrelated which normally wouldn't bother me at all. And that's just from being hungry. I wonder what it would take for that animal inside me to be completely unleashed, but most of the time that animal remains dormaint and hidden. This all makes the "inner animal" sound quite monstrous, but really, I don't think it is by nature evil or monstrous unless misused. There have been an occasion or two in my life when I can't honestly say that I had any control whatsoever over that animal, though it was only for a brief moment or two. During that time though, my strength was at least doubled and I was without fear or hesitation. It was like the entire process of considering and weighing actions beforehand was completely done away with and I simply did what needed to be done. I am glad that I did what I did at the time, but I have also been made very well aware of the danger and power of that animal within me.

Vikings have been immortalized in history as fiercely competent warriors who sailed from frozen lands (modern day Sweden, Finland, Denmark, and northern Germany) and raided sea-side towns and villages in the medieval ages, often without warning, for hundreds of years. They were very effective and powerful, capable of leaving entire towns devastated in a very short time. They came; conquered, looted, and left, killing just about anyone who stood in their way. The most feared and powerful of these fearsomely powerful warriors, known as "Berserkers," were known for their ability to go into a blind rage (i.e. "go berserk") which enabled them to fight and destroy enemies without any regard for their own safety. The Age of the Vikings, barbarians from the frozen north, lasted hundreds of years and influenced the history of dozens of countries. Their greatest weapon was their fierce inner animal.

What makes us human, what sets us apart from the animal kindgom? I think a big part of it is the attempt we make simply to be more than just animals, but we must never cease to acknowledge the existence of that animal, and remember to use it when necessary. The struggle between our inner animal and more human selves must be one of balance and control, neither side should win out completely.